Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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