I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
