can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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