I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
