This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
so much tequila, so little girl.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
