My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
where does the pee come out of this thing
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
