I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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