Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
