i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
