After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Help me help you realize you are a moron
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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