I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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