Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
