is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I see more hoeing in ur future
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