his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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