I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
