he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I wish they made helmets for livers.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
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