Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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