I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
