did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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