just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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