If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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