Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
