i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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