In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
