If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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