my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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