If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Actions speak louder than pants.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
