How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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