butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
