Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
