imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
