Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(819): View more from Quebec

its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger

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(843): View more from South Carolina

I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.

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(248): View more from Michigan

Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.

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(530): View more from California

Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.

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