I'd wear matching sweaters with you
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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