I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
