Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
