So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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