Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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