Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
