you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
