how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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