he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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