I just threw up on my dentist
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
