DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
