You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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