return my video game
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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