Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
