i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
im six kinds of drunk right now
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
