I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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