Got a toothbrush?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Randomize
