its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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